she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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