then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
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I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
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I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
do nipples grow back?
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