how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
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I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
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I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
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