Umm I'm too high to move.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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