i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
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Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
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I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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