this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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