3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
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