Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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