i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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