She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
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