Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
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