Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
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