At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
babies were throwing up all over the place
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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