I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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