I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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