I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Just cropdusted the office
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
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Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
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i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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