Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize