I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
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