I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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