i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
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