So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
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Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
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Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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