Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
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I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
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WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
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