I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
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