I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
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