'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
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I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
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