I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
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