guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize