I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
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