While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
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New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
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I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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