After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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