Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
soo... how was my night?
Randomize