Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
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