a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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