I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
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