Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
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I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
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I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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