Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
should my penis look like a turkey
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Randomize