I need to stop coming to work sober
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
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Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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