If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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