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K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
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