Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
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Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
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Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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