You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
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