I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize