and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
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