Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
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