when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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