I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize