If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Everyone says I win the strip club
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
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