Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
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