Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
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