i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
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